> I have to disagree with the part about retraining a person. That is work for a professional therapist.

Captain Awkward tells us that you can’t change how a person acts, but you can change how they act *around you*. And I suspect that’s what was meant by “retraining”. ‘Cos honestly, I don’t want to try to fix the deeper problems of someone who isn’t my child or spouse, but I certainly want them to let me alone to do my work. Which means I need to teach (“train”) them that their methods won’t work with me. And if I’ve accidentally let someone establish a pattern that I need to break, then I’ll be re-training them.

Think of it more like professional training, maybe?

Mind you, this workplace was like the Wild West. Supervisor usually meandered away and left us alone most of the shift, and no one was in the store (after hours) ever. Trust me, there was no sensitivity training, HR niceties, and most of the time, it was raucous and fun. More than anything else, it was a bunch of angry loners just trying to do their jobs.

It’s also unfortunate that US discrimination laws have also been twisted in such a way that only harassment against a protected class will result in taking action against the WACKOS on their workforce–and often worse, standing behind and further empowering certified sociopaths. I know many other countries have laws in place already to combat this and the comments above mentions that California just passed a similar law. That’s great news! All I can say is it’s about time.

Denial runs deep in many people. Probably nothing will change and this will go on for years until one of them quits.

I know myself. I always skip over those long quotes!

And good job at re-training your co-worker!

Ha, you know your readers all too well. I did in fact skip over it; but, your “guilt trip” (is that what you were trying to do – guilt me in to going back to read it?) actually made me go back and read it.

And you are spot on with your advice of training her. One place I worked at we had one employee who constantly complained about the poor work of others. Most managers would politely listen and do nothing. This employee continued to complain to those who would listen. I simply would ask him what did he expect me to do about – so and so wasn’t my employee and it wasn’t my place to say or do anything – and that he should take it up with that person directly if it was affecting him.

After several weeks of this, he finally stammered “well, you just don’t care, do you?” He did continue to complain to other managers; but, he stopped saying such stuff to me.

The manager is very “black and white” with no room for any flexibility. There is no question that she is extremely intelligent, however she has absolutely no self awareness, is constantly negative, can be openly hostile, and treats everyone else like they couldn’t possibly have a brain in their head. When I left the department, I made it clear to the Director (who I reported directly to) why I was leaving. He was truly upset by my departure and vowed that he would ensure that the situation would improve. Sadly, it has not improved and now one of my former colleagues is ready to bail. Clearly, the manager does not think her behavior is a problem and has made little effort to improve. What will it take for the Director to make any kind of change?