Thanks for this notice, fposte! I was wondering why I couldn’t see any of the information people were talking about and there didn’t seem to be a link to a separate article either.

I disagree that this type of issue should be left out of a performance appraisal. Performance is the whole package. If you’re doing something which is causing division in the department, it should be addressed.

Now, of course, I don’t ever think a manager should wait until the performance review to spring something on someone, but if what she (and he!) are doing IS inappropriate, it can definitely go into a performance review.

I totally agree that the boss needs to take a hardline about gossip.

I’m not sure looks make as much difference as attitude. I’ve worked with some stunningly gorgeous women, none of whom ever had anyone say anything negative about them in this type of way.

The people who I have worked with that had everyone’s tongues wagging were very average looking, but doing all the things mentioned above. And, FWIW, i don’t think they were having an affair either, I think they were just really good friends.

From the letter, there’s nothing to indicate that termination is warranted. I think you’re reading way too much into it.

If you’re I’m favour of termination it would have to be both of them. Is that what you’re saying?

To clarify the two occasions were separate and in the case of the relationship I was and on peer level.

I would say that you are making a few assumptions. I have had this type of thing levelled at me and to say they go quiet because they are talking about ‘others’ isn’t an objective statement. She could or he could be using each other for mentoring or personal confidences/support and would fairly go quiet when others entered. I wouldn’t want my private concerns about how to improve myself bandied about by co-workers.

To be clear on the one occasion this happened to me I was providing standard support to a distressed trainee (going through divorce). On the other occasion I had already addressed management to advise them that I had formed a long term relationship with the male (both of us did this together) the accusation came afterward and was handled poorly by management and I was definitely the one held MORE accountable. Even though we were working on 3 projects at the time of the accusation and did not engage in ANY PDA nor work behind closed doors where people were locked out.

I see little evidence for the deductions you made as having been in similar circumstance before I know I behaved in a professional manner.

Reading between the lines, it would seem to me that the organization DOES have a non-fraternization policy and if there is potential for crossing the lines into religious-hostility, a stop needs to be put immediately. And if I’m reading the lines correctly, senior management would be well within their right to put it on her performance evaluation.
This reeks and I would advise to put it aside for the best of the group.