Comments on: Please Stop Parenting Your Adult Children

By: Miley Hemsworth

Miley Hemsworth — Wed, 20 Mar 2019 16:34:58 +0000

But.. if I don’t remind them/make the appointment for them/drive them etc etc etc they’ll forget!!!

Let ’em forget!!

Let ’em fail. Then let ’em figure out how to recover. THAT makes an adult.

By: MariaRose

MariaRose — Tue, 19 Mar 2019 21:52:12 +0000

Hey parents wake up and the news—eventually you have to allow your children to face reality. If you start by giving them chores and expect them to do them and not bend over backwards to make the children meals on their demand of food of their choosing.
We will never be perfect as parents but we need to make a balance of setting rules and giving privileges. Don’t aim to be the coolest parents but also don’t be the meanest parents either. Also remember that having children is an obligation that requires you to be attentive but not controlling the pace they going.

By: Ciemme Essen

Ciemme Essen — Tue, 19 Mar 2019 18:00:58 +0000

In reply to Sanja. I'm 26 and I agree with Evil HR Lady. It's ridiculous! I have friends who are 30 who still have their parents pay their rent for them.

By: Jenny Boxer

Jenny Boxer — Tue, 19 Mar 2019 17:49:47 +0000

I SO agree. When our kid went away to college, we stopped paying the bills after a year and instead transferred $ to her checking account so she could handle all of it. (She had a checking account and her own money at 16. And a job and chores.) We never knew what her college deadlines were. When a goofing-off friend spilled water on her new laptop, my response was “deal with it.” When she wanted to go to grad school, we told her we’d let her use what she had left after getting through her undergrad in just 3 years, then she’d pay the rest. She went to summer school (she had only the first summer off at age 19) and worked on campus and volunteered a huge amount. She graduated with 2 masters degrees, no debts, still has no debts except a reasonable mortgage, has an excellent income and career, huge savings, and is a happily married homeowner at age 29. She’s well-traveled, kind, mature, and does a lot of volunteer work. I think a lot of her success is that we expected her to grow up, as was expected in my own generation in the 1970s/1980s. We didn’t expect perfection, but we didn’t raise a coddled slacker. I have relatives and friends with intelligent kids her age still at home with crap jobs. Why? Because the parents expected nothing, so they got nothing. And they put up with it indefinitely.

By: MB

MB — Tue, 19 Mar 2019 16:59:28 +0000

In reply to Payroll Lady. 100%! I used to get phone calls from parents asking about missed paychecks for their children. We hire a lot of high schoolers and college students for summer employment at an outdoor venue. My response was always the same, "I'm sorry, your child will need to call me directly as they are the employee." Sooner a teenager learns to be the one in charge of their own life, the better!

By: Payroll Lady

Payroll Lady — Tue, 19 Mar 2019 16:44:57 +0000

I am the parent of an Asperger’s child as well as one with ADHD. Yes, I was part of the 15% for the wake-up calls on the Asperger’s son, but that was the only consideration he received. Both child have gotten their jobs on their own, I have only reviewed any resume they may have had, never wrote it for them. Helicopter and Snow plow parents need to realize, we won’t always be there and once we are gone, they will be one their own. If they keep doing for their child, then one day they will be on their own without a clue. So let them fly, hopefully they will soar, and if they falter while you are still around, then you can help, not DO for them.

By: Elizabeth West

Elizabeth West — Tue, 19 Mar 2019 14:36:28 +0000

In reply to Sanja. She may be crabby, but she's right!

By: Sanja

Sanja — Tue, 19 Mar 2019 13:44:40 +0000

Well you do sound like a crabby old lady.

By: Professor Ronny

Professor Ronny — Tue, 19 Mar 2019 13:35:43 +0000

This is all too common. I spent nine years as a department chair at a state university. I had more than one meeting with an incoming student for advising where the parents did all the talking and the student never said a single word. Even if I directly asked them a question, a parent would answer. This is not the way to get your kids ready for adult life.