Take your supervisor’s advice and stop giving advice to your co-workers. When your supervisor came to you and said you shouldn’t be involved in your co-workers’ private lives, she was attempting to be very clear. You interpreted this as “if they talk to me, they want advice.”
Let me give a little lesson whining and complaining. When Jane says to you, “My boyfriend is driving me up the wall. He’s always playing Minecraft and leaves his socks on the couch!” what she wants to hear is “That drives me nuts too! My roommate used to do it and I started just throwing her socks away.” What she doesn’t want to hear is “Here is what you should do. First, tell him that you’re not picking up his socks any more. Second, take the dirty socks from the couch and throw them away. Third, blah, blah, blah.”
What’s the difference between the two? In the first, you’re commiserating. In the second, you’re being bossy and pretentious. No one likes bossy and pretentious. And let’s talk about this. You started out your email by telling me you graduated from a private college. Congratulations. I graduated from a private college too. Why on earth is that relevant to the problem with your supervisor?
You told me for a very specific reason: You wanted me to know that you’re better than your uneducated co-workers. You wanted me to understand that you were in the right here, because you were just giving advice because they needed to hear and if they would just do what you tell them they would be so much better off. Take for example you. You went to a fancy private college and now you have student loans and you have the exact same job as everyone else. Why on earth would they listen to you?
Don’t worry about what other people are doing on the clock. Worry about what you’re doing. What you may not know is that people who have worked in a place for a long time sometimes get privileges that the newly hired do not. Like being able to negotiate your auto loan or writing your Valentine’s day cards. Even if they are horrible, lazy pants people, you’ve been there two weeks. You can’t really make a judgment on that, and even if you could, you’re still not the boss.
So, get off your private college high horse. Be polite. Don’t give advice even if people are talking about problems they need to fix. Just do your job and be nice.
Just excellent advice. Maybe there needs to be a college course in how to behave on the job. First session: don’t let the fact that you wasted a lot of money on a “private” college affect your personality.
*clap* *clap* *clap*
OP, there are some nuggets of wisdom here, it’s just a matter of polishing them off and seeing them for what they are. I agree with Suzanne in that commiserating is one thing, being bossy is another. I might take this a step further and not only be careful in providing advice, but be careful in what you share. While the thing about a private college is a nice to know, for your peers, it’s not a need to know, you’re there. But the bigger risk about oversharing at work is giving away information that could potentially be used against you at some future date, and it will be.
Questions like, “How was your weekend?” should be answered with, “It was good,” or “Had a great time with friends,” etc. But do not describe in detail what you did and with whom and if you got messed up or whathaveyou. Not saying you do that, but I’m putting it out there as an example of oversharing. Also, try to avoid talking about personal relationships, especially with significant others.
Now, I had a little difficulty understanding some of what you wrote down, although I did get the gist of it. What your supervisor does for two hours is none of your business. What your co-workers do is also none of your business. The only way it becomes your business is if it affects your ability to do your job. Otherwise, head down, concentrate on your own job. If your supervisor has a problem with the work output of one of your peers, she will address it in private. If your supervisor’s supervisor has a problem with her work, it will be addressed privately. These kinds of things are not broadcast for reason. It is none of anyone’s business.
I am a bit mystified why your supervisor would bring up harassment or HR (this bit was vague and unclear) if you’ve only been there a short time. I can think of at least two scenarios: A. There is an existing problem and your supervisor is trying to see if you’re being involved (with or without your knowledge and consent) or B. You are causing a problem. This goes back to oversharing.
Keep in mind that while you may form some long-lasting relationships with people at work, most likely you will not. These people should not be your friends. And you should not be theirs. I am not saying to be disrespectful or unkind. But work is work. You should be there for you, not them.
The last thing is, and forgive me if I come off as crass, that is not the intent. Remember the “Business” sisters, “Mindya” and “Nunya.” As in, mind your business and none of your business. More specifically, stop worrying about what others are or are not doing. They will be brought to task at some point. Keep your nose to the grindstone and keep your head down.
P.S. – Never talk badly about your co-workers unless you have a valid complaint you are going to bring to your supervisor or HR, even if they are fishing, don’t bite.
Please do not feel as if you are being dumped on for your question, as I applaud you reaching out for advice. If you are communicating to your Team Leader/Supervisor what you have written here I believe you may be sending signals that you may not intend. If you were asked if you could see everyone as equal, and you answered yes because of your experience and education whereas others just have a high school diploma…….. that may lead to you unintentionally creating the perception that you do not get along with your co -workers. Suzanne has given you awesome advice that will help if you take a step back and see how you view your co-workers. I would challenge you that your education is not as valuable as the work experience your co-workers have, Your education will position you to learn quickly and become a very productive team member, but 4 years on the job experience can be much more valuable to an employer than 4 years in college when you start.Use their knowledge to help you.
Finally, I am not sure what the work entails, but detailing to your project manager that you want a job that is not demanding, let’s you pay your bills and that you will only be there a few years, may not set a tone that makes your supervisor thrilled to have you on their team. Treat every day on this job as if you are interviewing for your next job. I think you will be surprised how the work environment may change. But you will have to give it some time.
Also, the letter writer’s style leads me to believe she is not a native speaker of English, and is possibly from another country. This doesn’t tend to affect one’s college career, but it can have a profound effect on the job. She may be having some cultural miscommunication with her coworkers and supervisor.
I was thinking the same thing, the way this is written tells me this person did not learn English in the US or as a first language. If the OP is from another country, our “how are you” can be really mystifying. OP, people at work (some, not all) like to vent or just talk and talk, especially about personal things. This means that they talk, you listen and nod your head. You will see a lot of things that don’t seem right but you do not have any power or authority to make changes. Most likely you are working in a toxic workplace so stay focused only on what you are tasked to do. Don’t share that you are looking for a better job, or you went to a really fancy private school. The people who seem interested really aren’t.
That is an excellent point and I should have brought that up. I had to heavily edit the email to get it readable. I’m 99% sure English isn’t the native language.
Heaven knows I know it’s difficult to move into a new culture and a new language, but you still have to be careful. You only get a pass as the “foreigner” for a while. Unless you bring in baked goods from your home country, because everyone likes that. Except butter cream frosting. The Swiss don’t like it. Crazy they are.
The Chileans like brownies but don’t get cornbread or BBQ chicken.
Culture is so funny. How could you not like cornbread and BBQ chicken?
While I appreciate the advice provided that the OP should refrain from giving advice, I some where feel we may be judging her a little too harshly. The introduction of graduating from a private college may be to give us an idea of the magnitude of the loan. Although one rationally know that the loan has to be repaid, when it actually sits on your head it can scare the living daylights out of you.
Additionally it may take time for her to settle in culturally, but the integration has to happen on 2 fronts – from the organisation/society and her self.
My only point is that the advice is valid, but it could have been delivered in a kinder way.
Undoubtedly true. But, as a general rule, when people tell me things that are “unimportant” that’s usually the most important point.
Is it important that she had student loans? Sure. Does it matter what college she went to? No. You can have student loans from any school. So, why did she tell me it was a private college? Because she wanted me to know. Why did she want me to know? Well, see above.
I think the distinction is that in some other countries, public universities are fully or almost fully subsidized and very cheap if not free. If they went to a private school they may be paying full price, and with loans. That was my interpretation of the letter.
I’m just passing by. I normally don’t stop over at HR blogs because I’m a photographer.
Helen is right about the subsidy. I want to add that I studied at a private college, but my course was subsidised by the Government. The fee I paid was approximately 1/3 of the un-subsidised fee that other students had to pay.
Nice blog post. Thanks.