One of the reasons we don’t hire teenagers to run businesses is that we want adults. Adults should be independent, but a new survey shows that parents are continuing to parent their adult children way too far into adulthood. USA Today reports that the survey found:
- 76 percent reminded their adult children of deadlines they need to meet, including for schoolwork
- 74 percent made appointments for them, including doctor’s appointments
- 15 percent of parents with children in college had texted or called them to wake them up so they didn’t sleep through a class or test.
Not to sound like a crabby old lady, but my parents had no clue what my deadlines were in school or in work. Sure, they knew when finals’ week was but otherwise, I was 100 percent responsible for my own schedule in college and ever after.
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9 thoughts on “Please Stop Parenting Your Adult Children”
This is all too common. I spent nine years as a department chair at a state university. I had more than one meeting with an incoming student for advising where the parents did all the talking and the student never said a single word. Even if I directly asked them a question, a parent would answer. This is not the way to get your kids ready for adult life.
Well you do sound like a crabby old lady.
She may be crabby, but she’s right!
I’m 26 and I agree with Evil HR Lady. It’s ridiculous! I have friends who are 30 who still have their parents pay their rent for them.
I am the parent of an Asperger’s child as well as one with ADHD. Yes, I was part of the 15% for the wake-up calls on the Asperger’s son, but that was the only consideration he received. Both child have gotten their jobs on their own, I have only reviewed any resume they may have had, never wrote it for them. Helicopter and Snow plow parents need to realize, we won’t always be there and once we are gone, they will be one their own. If they keep doing for their child, then one day they will be on their own without a clue. So let them fly, hopefully they will soar, and if they falter while you are still around, then you can help, not DO for them.
100%! I used to get phone calls from parents asking about missed paychecks for their children. We hire a lot of high schoolers and college students for summer employment at an outdoor venue. My response was always the same, “I’m sorry, your child will need to call me directly as they are the employee.” Sooner a teenager learns to be the one in charge of their own life, the better!
I SO agree. When our kid went away to college, we stopped paying the bills after a year and instead transferred $ to her checking account so she could handle all of it. (She had a checking account and her own money at 16. And a job and chores.) We never knew what her college deadlines were. When a goofing-off friend spilled water on her new laptop, my response was “deal with it.” When she wanted to go to grad school, we told her we’d let her use what she had left after getting through her undergrad in just 3 years, then she’d pay the rest. She went to summer school (she had only the first summer off at age 19) and worked on campus and volunteered a huge amount. She graduated with 2 masters degrees, no debts, still has no debts except a reasonable mortgage, has an excellent income and career, huge savings, and is a happily married homeowner at age 29. She’s well-traveled, kind, mature, and does a lot of volunteer work. I think a lot of her success is that we expected her to grow up, as was expected in my own generation in the 1970s/1980s. We didn’t expect perfection, but we didn’t raise a coddled slacker. I have relatives and friends with intelligent kids her age still at home with crap jobs. Why? Because the parents expected nothing, so they got nothing. And they put up with it indefinitely.
Hey parents wake up and the news—eventually you have to allow your children to face reality. If you start by giving them chores and expect them to do them and not bend over backwards to make the children meals on their demand of food of their choosing.
We will never be perfect as parents but we need to make a balance of setting rules and giving privileges. Don’t aim to be the coolest parents but also don’t be the meanest parents either. Also remember that having children is an obligation that requires you to be attentive but not controlling the pace they going.
But.. if I don’t remind them/make the appointment for them/drive them etc etc etc they’ll forget!!!
Let ’em forget!!
Let ’em fail. Then let ’em figure out how to recover. THAT makes an adult.
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