Employee Loyalty: An Open Letter to Loyal Employees

by Evil HR Lady on March 14, 2019

Yes, the new hires make more than you, the company party was a bit of a disaster and open enrollment won’t bring anyone joy. Please keep those suggestions coming!

Dear Loyal Employees,

Thank you so much for, uh, working with us for the past few years! Employee loyalty is very important in our business, and we’re happy that you are happy here.

I just wanted to take the time to say thank you and go over a few questions that have come my way.

Yes, the New Hire Makes More Than You Do

Jane, the HR assistant, accidentally left the salary list on the shared printer and everyone saw it, and those of you who earn less than people doing the same jobs who happened to be hired two weeks ago are understandably upset. We’d like to direct your anger toward the finance department who mandated that no one have a private printer anymore. If they hadn’t taken away Jane’s printer, this wouldn’t be a problem.

To keep reading, click here: Employee Loyalty: An Open Letter to Loyal Employees

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

parker davis March 14, 2019 at 12:39 pm

How stupid.

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Camellia March 14, 2019 at 1:42 pm

Ok, the Health Benefits paragraph made me laugh out loud and then I had to share the link with my colleague. This is priceless! And unfortunately, all too accurate.

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Elizabeth West March 14, 2019 at 3:04 pm

I absolutely want my title to contain an Avengers reference. 😀

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Mr Cynical and Sarcastic... To Boot! March 14, 2019 at 10:09 pm

REWRITE: Because “your salary is a bit low [and you won’t go], we… value you very much!” Thanks for helping increase executive bonuses! Every little bit adds up!

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I was a markdown March 16, 2019 at 3:31 am

You missed a part where reality is pethaps a deeper knife in the back than this spotlighted illustration of reality.

We had published annual targets for our bonuses in my Fortune 500 company and had published above and beyond bonus targets too. Senior management showed charts every month showcasing how we were doing against tatgets and we were awesome and kept getting awesomer as the year progressed.

At year-end we did it! As an enterprise of thousands of people across many states we smashed through the bonus targets and blew away the above and beyond targets. People put in a lot, lot, lot of extra hours to reach so high.

At bonus time, since all the info was internally public, people knew the percentage they would be getting. The day before bonus payout the hammer dropped. Senior management congratulated everyone on the massive achievement and said they decided to cut the bonus by 20% because it was their perogative to do so. They explained that in the fine print of the bonus program was a clause that bonuses were given at the discretion of management and they would discress 20% from us.

Thank you fir being loyal valued employees, but not fully valued.

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I was a markdown March 16, 2019 at 3:38 am

Please excuse my typos. This was a late night in the dark mobile phone posting.

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Mr More-Dividends-Lower-Salaries March 16, 2019 at 9:56 pm

Of course that 20% was shifted to the executive bonuses — because the executives did such a fine job motivating the proletariat! That’ll learn you about trusting management!

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RubyJackson March 18, 2019 at 8:42 pm

Don’t forget about eliminating retiree health insurance just as the first wave of employees is approaching retirement age and replacing it with a $100 check every month to buy your own coverage. Oh, also, eliminating the retirement annuity and forcing everyone into a mutual fund. Not to mention dis-inviting to the opening reception all the staff who put together the show. Also, denying medical accommodation for the injured workers because it’s more profitable to sell the parking spots to the public and make the injured workers walk to the job site. Not making this up! These are just some of the changes that our non-profit company with an estimated $7 Billion endowment has wrought upon us LOYAL employees.

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