I’m Sorry, Your Services are No Longer Needed

Sun: Pluto, would you please step into my office?

Pluto: Sure, I just need to finish this orbit–

Sun: That won’t be necessary. This will just take a few minutes.
(Pluto steps in)

Sun: This is Miss Mars, from Human Resources. I believe you’ve met?

Mars: Actually I don’t think our paths have ever crossed.

Pluto: (Now nervous) Hello.

Sun: Pluto, you may have heard that the Astronomers were having a conference.

Pluto: Yes

(Mars smiles nicely, attempting to convey warmth to someone she’s never met.)

Sun: Well, they evaluated the planets, and your position has been eliminated. I realize this can come as a great shock–

Pluto: Excuse me?

Sun: I realize this can come as a great shock, but the astronomers have agreed that a ninth planet is no longer needed. Miss Mars has some information on what you need to know as you transition–

Mars: We’ve prepared a nice package for you, in reference to the long time you’ve spent as a planet.

Pluto: I’m being fired? As a planet? What did I do wrong?

Sun: It’s not about what you did, although your orbits have overlapped Neptune’s, and well the Astronomers feel–

Pluto: The Astronomers feel? Have you ever made an independent decision in your life?

Mars: Why don’t we go have a chat with Mr. Moon. He’s in outplacement.

Pluto: You can’t just fire me.

Mars: You’re not being fired, you’re being transitioned to a Dwarf Planet. It’s a great position and you’ll meet other dwarf planets.

Pluto: I’m not in this for the social aspects. I’m just as good as Neptune, or Venus, or you, Miss Mars. I’m going to take this up with the Universe!

Sun: I’m sorry, Pluto, but the universe is in complete agreement. I thank you, and the entire solar system thanks you, for the time you spent as a planet. You added so much to our little system, but it is time for you to move on. As a dwarf planet, I’m sure new and exciting opportunities will be made available. Now, if you’ll just follow Miss Mars, to Mr. Moon, you’ll have your outplacement opportunities explained to you.

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