“You know, Suzanne, I’ve never really liked sex.” This statement came in the midst of a waterfall of information about her history. I was driving, so I just kept looking at the road and didn’t say a thing. How does one respond to that? I mean, if you’re a therapist or a doctor there’s a probably an answer to that. (Therapist: Interesting, tell me more. Doctor: Interesting, have you tried this pill?) If you’re an HR person, though, an employee’s opinions on her sex life are about the last thing you want to hear.
What’s the most inappropriate thing an employee (coworkers, bosses included–you don’t have to be HR to play our game) has ever told you?
Difficult to pick just one (all by the same person in no particular order):
– “Do you have meetic?”
– “Did you know what a glory hole is? Bet you do”
– “Do you have meetic?”
– “You are a Snake” (because I refuse a date)
– “I’m sure you like sex”…
Yes, I documented and told my boss. Since it was a client, nothing happen to him. I was moved to another (worse) position. The guy liked to share his sex life with anyone who was willing to listen. Plus lots of sex “jokes”.
meetic is a dating web site. Had to look it up!
We were getting ready to have a baby and I was told, “you know how to get the baby to sleep through the night?” I said, “No.” She grabbed her breast and made a suckling sound and said, “Breastfeed.” I was not HR at the time, but it made the rest of my time there awkward every time I saw her. Who does that?!
Sleep through the night? Ha ha ha! Maybe the non lactating parent. Both insane and crazy!
LOL J.B. My thoughts exactly!!
Not necessarily inappropriate just an odd location-
I was in a bathroom stall and another employee, also in a stall, told me that she needed to have an abortion and asked if our benefits cover the procedure.
Aww. 🙁
“I have a boil on my butt. Do you want to see it?”
I had an employee show me her breast and ask me to feel a lump and tell her if I thought it was something to be worried about.
Another employee (in requesting FMLA) began to tell me details about an issue he was having with his testicles.
Another time an employee told me about the poison ivy all over his inner thighs.
Being an HR Manager invites people to think you are both doctor and therapist…
An employee told me his wife had been cheating on him for several years and that he had hired an undercover detective to film everything. He wanted to know if he divorced her would she still be eligible for benefits.
COBRA for three years.
You’d think someone who can hire a private detective could google.
Asked a lady during an interview why she wanted to work here. She said ‘Well, my husband impregnated my 13 year old daughter so I threw him out and I need to work.” I did end up hiring her.
I don’t think it gets more awkward that that! Good for you for hiring her, poor thing.
WOW. I hope she and her daughter are okay and her ex is in prison (he’s lucky to still be alive….).
0_0
Oh, that poor lady! And her poor daughter!
A coworker was having issues with her menstrual cycle. She told me about how she checked the bleeding, etc, very specifically.
“Did you have sex last night?”
I was asked that by an old boss I worked for over 25 years ago. This after a previous employee had accused him of sexual harassment!
People who bring up things like this to strangers don’t have any idea how uncomfortable they make people feel. Usually if I hear an off color remark, I either change the topic of conversation rapidly or just leave. I do firmly believe you should have a positive body image about yourself but at work is not an appropriate place unless your BF is your co-worker. In that case, I would attempt to get them to a more private setting to continue conversation off work. Your BF would only mention something like this at work because of overwhelming emotional feeling.
I had an employee tell me she had to self-fund her doctor’s appointment prior to the start of her benefits because she had a yeast infection. She went on to say that the last time she had one she was at the county fair with her father and slimed up her panties to the point she had to throw them out. I swear, I would not make this up.
An employee complained that there were bugs in the office that were biting her. She went into detail about all the areas on her body where she had been bitten by the mysterious bugs…then she described the bites all over her “private area.” She must have seen the confused look on my face because she then said “I have bites there because I don’t wear underwear.”
Almost as bad as a conversation I had with a now former employee.
Me: Help me understand why you are struggling with your production numbers.
Employee: Because my husband is addicted to sex.
Me: Help me understand why you are struggling at work.
Employee: My husband doesn’t work because of his “disability” so all the pressure is on me.
Me (in my own head): Don’t scream out loud. Don’t scream out loud. Don’t scream out loud.
I had an employee tell me recently that the reason she had called in sick the day before was that her yeast infection was so bad that she couldn’t sit down.
I threw up in my mouth a little, and vaguely wondered how a 60 year old woman lets something like that get that bad? (I am in Canada, so not being able to afford a doctor is no excuse and we have 100% coverage on meds at my company)
Just after starting with a new company, I received a telephone call from an employee that wanted my help in intervening with the insurance company as they failed to pay out the life insurance on his spouse who had died. It wasn’t until I looked into the situation that I learned the ’employee’ at the time of the call was in jail awaiting trial for murdering his wife!
Having to explain a money shot to a boss because they refused to drop it.
Explaining urban dictionary to a CEO who refused to stop using terms from it (like the hand gesture for Shocker).
Hearing about a co-workers active drug use.
Having to listen to religious conversion attempts at every lunch hour.
Compliments on my legs/stockings from the contractor helping with funding.
I am in HR. Upon my investigation meetings with a trio of employees that simply could not get along, I had an employee tell me the reason she was having issues with her co-worker was because they had put a magic spell on her and this is what caused her armpits to be purple. She offered to show me and I politely declined.
I also have a magic spell story. In front of an EEOC mediator an employee claimed that other salespeople were successful (when she was not) because they used voodoo in the workplace. She knew this because she saw a “woman finger” sticking out of a co-worker’s chest one day.
Response from an employee regarding her body odor: “I think if I change my underwear more often , the smell will get better.”
“Well if I was ever your side piece, at least you would not be confused about what name to call out in bed!” Employee who has the same first name as my wife.
Hey Evil HR Lady, before I post my story, I wanted to clear it with you just how graphic you would allow this to get.
I have a terrible story, but since it is fairly darned X-rated, I wasn’t sure you would really want it posted here without reading it first.
Preview: “WELL I NEVER!” pretty much sums it up.
Ummm, we’re strictly PG with an occasional PG 13. So, as much as I’d love to hear a good story, remember, keep it within guidelines.
Fair enough, frankly I don’t think you would like it even if I privately e-mailed it. Probably better if it dies with me, rather than haunting the poor HR personnel who read your site and would imagine having to deal with it!
So next worst thing I heard (and delete this if it is too much):
“I got my [Squid pierced, royally]! Anyone who wants to see it, gather round!”
Where in the [squidlips] were you working!?!
And suddenly all the annoying things my co-workers do pale in comparison to all the tales of workplace horror listed above!
God speed, brave HR warriors–here’s hoping you never have a worse story to report in future!
I have a few that would curl your toes.
Coworker who had very extensive internal surgery told me all about how his new lack of a colon meant he couldn’t f@rt.
Not really appropriate, but we were friends so I lent an ear.
Let’s say I know everything there is to know about colonoscopies…
I once interviewed a white woman from a Southern city who made several pretty racist comments, and then said it was okay for her to talk that way because her boyfriend was black. Um, no.
Sorry, General Manager, I do not need to know your preferences on WHERE you like your men to be shaved!!
It’s no surprise she got fired for her inappropriate commentary. It’s hard to sell your business as an on-demand labor company when you tell a potential client (in front of another office’s GM) that you’ll TRY to find them a qualified and diverse hiring pool for driving their commercial trucks, but it’s not easy when all the black men with CDL’s are milking welfare because it’s more money for them… Talk about a nightmare boss!
late to the game, but… “…when I was 10, I was kicked in the b**** by a horse, and can’t get it up now….” This was during a sexual harassment investigation.
I know this is late in the game and no one will probably see it but I have to add it. Said by a co-worker: “I don’t have nipples”.