The language used to describe something can make a huge difference in our perceptions. Writer and fitness expert James Fell posted a request to “badly explain your profession” on his Facebook Page. He described his own profession as: “I make ‘eat less, move more’ really complicated.”
His followers didn’t disappoint. Fell gave me permission to share some of the best bad descriptions.
Kevin: I convert perfectly good jet fuel into noise and chemtrails
Sunita: I withhold antibiotics from children with colds
Jennifer: I give away tax dollars to compost dead chickens and keep cow [bleep] out of creeks.
Emanuel: I get paid for letting people yell at me from a great distance via telephone-lines.
To read some more, click here: The Worst Possible Job Descriptions
I poke my nose into the work my coworkers produce, and point out all of their mistakes to senior management.
I just want to let you know that I love that you appreciate James Fell.
I have one-way conversations with blank-staring zombies in sparsely furnished rooms.
I spend tax-payer money in an attempt to save tax-payer money.
I email people with advanced degrees to remind them that they still have to do the data entry part of their jobs.
I listen to employee problems, give them straightforward advice, and then sweep up the remains of their careers when they choose not to listen to me.
I break computers; hammer not required.
I manage projects – that means I get to check off little boxes on “to do” lists (electronically, of course) and ask for deadline extensions. Oh, and the best part is I get to spend other people’s money.
I hire people and then start building a file in order to fire them.
I spend a significant percentage of my work day coming up with ways to get people fired that won’t cost their employers money, and the rest of my time crushing the dreams of the delusional.
I might be a terrible person.