Evil HR Lady

This morning I went for a cup of tea (ginger lemon) with someone I met on LinkedIn. A true networking meeting.

And it was a networking meeting. We discussed careers and what we could do to better ourselves. She asked how I diversified my client list, and I shared a story. She said, “Have you ever written that story?” and I don’t believe I have, so I shall share it.

This is an example of how networking works in the real world. Yes, you meet people on LinkedIn and have a nice, socially distanced cup of tea with them, but that’s not the only way to network. Here it goes.

Many years ago, I taught Steve in Sunday School. Steve grew up, got a couple of degrees, and a job. We keep in touch via Facebook. One day he messaged me and said, “I have a friend you should write about!”

His friend was Clark Walker, who got a job through Instagram. It was a cool story and I wrote about it and tweeted the story.

Then Sarah Salbu messaged me and said, “Hey, I got a job through Twitter!” And I listened to her story and wrote that up.

Then CBS decided they no longer wished to have my services. (Their loss.) I needed a new client and posted about it on my blog. Sarah messaged me and said, “Hey, I have a friend who works for Skyword. They are always looking for writers!”

And that’s how I ended up writing for Anthem Healthcare, United Healthcare, and others.

See, networking isn’t just about targeting people in your area and hoping that they give you jobs. It’s about making connections with other humans. If I hadn’t taught Steve in Sunday School, would he have reached out to me about his friend Clark? If I hadn’t written about Clark, would Sarah have reached out? If I hadn’t built a professional relationship with Sarah, would she have seen I was looking for new clients?

Sure, you should connect with people in your field. You should follow people on LinkedIn. You should comment on their posts. You should go to conferences and you should accept the occasional virtual cup of coffee over Zoom.

But, you should also live your life. Have a hobby. Act in community theater. Talk with your neighbors. Networking through friendships also yields results. This doesn’t mean you should only make friends with the hope that some day, somewhere, they will help you. You should make friends to have friends. Someday, they may help you or you may help them. Networking goes two ways! But, don’t limit yourself to people within your field. You never know where you may find success.

Ellen DeGeneres is nice. Of course, she is. It’s her persona. She’s always doing nice things for people and she is so personable and funny. It stands to reason that her staff loves her just as much as her fans do.

But, that isn’t what’s been in the news lately. There have been multiple complaints of a “toxic” workplace, with three producers fired for their bad behavior. There is all sorts of stuff about internal investigations and the like, as well.

But, this is what caught my eye: the resolution.

Staffers will receive five paid days off to use at their discretion, birthdays off, and paid time for doctors’ appointments and family matters, one source familiar with the series told Variety.

DeGeneres has an estimated net worth of $490 million and receives a salary of $75 million, and the resolution was five days of vacation (extra, I hope!) and paid time off for doctor’s appointments?

Granted, the employees don’t work for DeGeneres directly, but for the production company, but couldn’t she settle for, say $74 million a year (give up those avocado toasts and lattes, and you can make it work!) and give better perks to the staff, without whom there would be no show?

Yes, I understand how the market works. There are far more people who want to work on such a show than there are positions, so pay and benefits don’t have to be high to attract candidates. But, when you’ve been so blessed, you should be looking out for your staff. (This isn’t limited to Hollywood complaints–Jeff Bezos, I’m looking at you.)

Don’t tell me how much you love and appreciate your staff when they haven’t had paid time off for doctors’ appointments and the business can afford it. (There are certainly many businesses–especially now–that operate at the edge and have trouble meeting payroll. I’m not talking about these companies.)

Remove toxic people, especially toxic managers, from your staff, and pay your people well and give them the time off they deserve. It should be common sense.

Maybe it’s because I’m old (legally in the United States, as I’m over 40), but “young” doesn’t seem like a good word to use to describe your team. And yet, a Resume writing company uses it. (Thanks to a reader for taking a screenshot and sending this to me.)

See it? This line: “Our downtown Toronto office offers an open, collaborative, and relaxed environment where our young, positive, and hard-working team strive toward a common goal of empowering clients in their job search.”

Now, it does not say that they will only hire young people. but it’s definitely sending out a message that if you’re old, don’t bother applying–you won’t be a good cultural fit.

I don’t know much about Canadian employment law, but I assumed age discrimination is illegal there, and I’m right. And, in fact, it’s more restrictive than the United States. The US federal age discrimination law only protects people over 40, but it looks like Canadian (or at least Ontario) protects everyone over 18 (and over 16 in housing). The examples they give of discriminatory statements are:

• “Are you sure you can handle this job? It takes a lot of energy and enthusiasm, and we are looking for someone with career potential.”
• “You don’t need this training program. At your age, what would the benefit be?”
• “We’re looking for a more mature candidate to handle this job”
• “Students are noisy and unreliable tenants.”

None of these come out and say we won’t hire if you if you’re too old. Neither does the job posting, but definitely, that statement will turn away more mature candidates.

Make sure you write your job descriptions to be inclusive. Let someone come in for the interview and decide for themselves if they don’t want to work with a bunch of youngsters.

And get off my lawn.

When I was an undergraduate political science student at Brigham Young University, a new professor just transferred in from Princeton. We asked him what the difference was between BYU students and Princeton students. His answer?

Everyone at BYU is so busy! Everyone works! People are married with children. People have volunteer duties and church responsibilities. Princeton students, he said, don’t have all these extra burdens.

Now, this is one person’s opinion, and I’m sure there are Princeton students with part time jobs, families, and other outside responsibilities, but I’m also sure that different universities have different populations. The wealthier someone’s family is, the more likely they are to have free time. I worked through college, as did all my roommates and friends.

Why do I bring this up? I ran across a LinkedIn post by Stefaniya D. who rejected 80 internship candidates from top schools because they hadn’t done enough side projects (among other things).

Now, this is super helpful to know precisely what companies are looking for, and it also highlights one of the many reasons why the rich get richer. How many side projects does the student who is working full time on top of a full class load have? A student who is fully funded by mom and dad, or who is willing to take out massive student loans to cover tuition and living expenses, has time to do this type of stuff. None of my roommates ever did.

Additionally, this is an internship. You are not hiring a CEO here. Interns should be without much experience–which also means experience in job hunting as well. Don’t demand polish and perfection from someone who has never held a job before. You’re setting yourself up for failure.

I’m absolutely sure that the vast majority of the candidates she rejected could have successfully completed an internship at Candor if she had been willing to give any of them a chance.

It’s Time To Stop Hiring Talent! | Suzanne Lucas | DisruptHR Talks from DisruptHR on Vimeo.

Instead, she’s looking for a unicorn and then complaining that they don’t exist. An intern unicorn, the rarest of all creatures.

Internships are an opportunity for students to learn how to work and how to hold a job and how to get a job. Don’t require them to be masters of job hunting.

And, if she’s having so much trouble finding someone from the top schools, check out your state universities. Lots of people there who are just as brilliant but not quite as privileged.

I’ve worked as a branch manager at a large bank for ten years. About five weeks ago, my branch was verbally notified that our branch would be closing in just over 90 days (customer notice of 90 days is required).

I was verbally told they want to keep me and hoped to put me at another branch in town at the same salary but lesser position.

Because my salary is the same, under our policies I am not eligible for a severance package. I have nothing in writing- no termination, no offer for the new position. I’m tempted not to stay through the closing date.

Is this situation on the up-and-up, regarding no severance? Why nothing in writing?

I’ve learned that ten other branches are closing yet it has not been announced internally.

This is where you see me guessing because no one called me and gave me the ins and outs of your particular bank, but here it goes.

They have given you nothing in writing because they haven’t made anything official regarding your position. Look at the word “hope.” They hope to put you in a new position. There are no guarantees here and with multiple branches closing there will be multiple people vying for the few open positions. So, no one wants to give you the job offer if they haven’t yet officially decided who gets it.

There is probably something written though: a Summary Plan Description. Undoubtedly, the people in your bank’s headquarters have already written this plan which details who gets severance, and how much, and under what circumstances. If they are closing 11 branches, this isn’t done on a whim. There is a plan.

Ask your HR department for a copy of this plan. If the person you call doesn’t know about it, ask to speak to the person coordinating the layoffs.

That said, this plan doesn’t determine who will lose their job and who won’t. It would give general rules, but it won’t say “Jane at the state street branch will over the main street branch as the manager and all other branch managers will be fired.” So, it won’t answer all your questions, but it will give you some idea of their thought processes.

Now, as to whether you should quit or not, you can also ask if there is a stay bonus. Often, when shutting down operations, companies will offer stay bonuses to people who don’t quit. They need you to work until the 90 days are over.

If they aren’t offering you a stay bonus, refuse to put a new job offer in writing, and you find a new job, by all means quit. You don’t owe them anything, and there will be plenty of people who also lose their jobs during this that can provide you with a reference in the future.

Do not feel any obligation toward a company. This is not your family and they are not your friends. If they want to keep you, they should let you know, in writing, that you have a job offer.

Of course, if they are offering a good severance package, you may wish to hang around to see if you get the new position or a severance package. If you resign, you don’t get the severance.

But, it often takes longer than three months to find a new job. Best case scenario? You find a new job that starts on day 91, and you walk away with a severance package and a new job.

So, go ahead, job hunt. If you find something you like, leave the old company behind. Don’t rely on their vague verbal promises.

Last year, McDonald’s fired their CEO and President, Steve Easterbrook for consensual sex with an employee. He got a nice golden parachute, estimated at $40 million.

But, now, another employee has come forth to accuse Easterbrook of another sexual relationship with an employee. Now, the count is up to three employees and one of those employees received stock as a result.

McDonald’s is suing Easterbrook for the return of his parachute, “accusing him of lying, concealing evidence and fraud.” But, the lawsuit also admits that McDonald’s didn’t look at Easterbrook’s emails as part of their investigation. Oopsie!

I can see how this happened. Easterbrook knew that if they investigated too much more than just the initial affair would come out. He agreed to leave rapidly, apologized publicly, and took his money and went home. He probably assumed that that would end the investigation and once the agreements were all signed, he’d be in the clear. Whew!

And there was a good chance that would happen. Signed severance packages are signed and done–generally. But, McDonald’s should never have ended their investigation immediately after a confession.

You always check emails. You always do a thorough investigation. Any HR person with five minutes of experience will tell you that it’s unlikely that sexual misconduct cases are rarely limited to one employee. Even in this case, where Easterbrook’s unnamed affair partner, never alleged any sort of coercion or harassment, they should have investigated. When you’re offering a severance package, which comes with legal releases and the like, you want a thorough investigation.

I have no idea how this lawsuit will pan out, but I do know that investigate, investigate, investigate is the first step. Always conduct an investigation when there are allegations. Never assume that the number of victims was one.

And yes, I understand that the original affair was, by all reports, consensual. But, no CEO can have a sexual relationship with an employee without there being a power imbalance. Something that the McDonald’s Board agreed with when Easterbrook left. Make sure your policies prohibit relationships between people in reporting lines.

And always, always, read the emails.

Photo by Lisa Fotios

There’s a joke that Switzerland is the only country to have a national language that no one speaks: German

In reality, Switzerland has four national languages (German, French, Italian and Romansh), and I’m no authority about how pure the other three languages are, but English is probably spoken more often than the official language of German. (As a general rule, dialect speakers prefer English to High German in many cases.)

As evidence of this, we have a new national hymn.

In English.

White Cross on a Shining Red

White cross on a shining red,
woven by a common thread:
freedom, independence, equality.
Open to the world in solidarity,
Swiss are one in peace and diversity.
Free are we who freely speak,
strong as we protect the weak.
White cross on a shining red,
sign of Switzerland, the path we tread.

It’s lovely, and as an English speaker, I appreciate it. But, from a sociological perspective, I find it fascinating. Even though Germanic students are required to study French in schools and vice versa, when the two meet the chosen language for discussion is more likely to be English. (I don’t know what the required second languages are for the Italian and Romansh regions, although I suspect German.)

Big businesses operate in English with a high frequency.

It’s quite rare to run into people here who don’t speak at least enough English for me to never have to learn a word in German. (No panicking–I speak German and have a B2 certificate and even teach a religion class in German to very patient teenagers.)

In other words, if you want to succeed in Switzerland, you better pay attention in your English class.

I’m willing to bet that there isn’t a single German teacher in the United States that tells students to study up on their German so they can be a successful business person.